A Mutare man says his relationship collapsed after his former wife joined TikTok and began using social media to communicate with several men while he was working in South Africa.
Zivai Changarara made the claims before Chief Mutasa’s community court, where he described a relationship marked by missing lobola money, secret conversations, intimate videos and growing suspicion. His former wife, identified only as Felistas, rejected the accusations and said Changarara had abandoned the family and failed to support the children.
The dispute ended with Chief Mutasa urging the former couple to stop fighting and concentrate on raising their children peacefully.
Changarara said he met Felistas in October 2021. The pair began living together the following year, and he said he accepted her two children as his own. He also said he paid school fees for one of them while preparing to formalise the relationship.
He had started saving money for lobola and kept the cash in a piggy bank at their home. According to Changarara, the money later disappeared and the container was thrown away.
“I was saving money so that I could pay her bride price. One day the piggy bank was opened, the money disappeared, and the container was thrown away. She denied taking it, but I strongly suspected her. What pains me is that the money was meant to formalise our marriage,” he said.
Changarara then travelled to South Africa to look for work and improve the family’s financial position. He told the court that the relationship began to change after Felistas joined TikTok and became more active online.
“When she came to visit me in South Africa, I discovered videos and photographs on her phone that troubled me. Some showed other men holding our child, while others were intimate videos that she had never shared with me,” he told the court.
He said some of the videos had been sent to men whose telephone numbers were stored under names including “Muzaya”. When he questioned Felistas, she allegedly said the videos were recordings she had made for herself. Changarara said he later discovered that some had been sent to other people.
“When I confronted her, she said the videos were simply recordings she had made. But later I discovered that some had been sent to other people. Most of these problems started after she joined TikTok and became active on social media,” he said.
The phone, he claimed, contained far more than photographs and videos. Changarara told the court that he found thousands of voice notes exchanged between Felistas and different men, including one identified as Emmanuel Mutsikira and another saved as “Baba Juju”.
“I found conversations between her and different men, including one identified as Emmanuel Mutsikira and another saved as ‘Baba Juju’. There were around 3 000 voice notes. From the conversations I heard, they appeared to be discussing romantic relationships while I was away working,” he alleged.
He said he confiscated the phone and SIM card after finding the messages. He then bought Felistas another handset, but claimed she later moved her conversations to Facebook.
The allegations reflect how quickly private relationships can become complicated when a partner is working away from home. Messages can be deleted, contacts can be hidden and conversations can move between platforms in seconds. A relationship that once depended on face-to-face trust can become a daily search through phones, posts, photographs and voice notes.
Changarara said that was what happened in his home. He claimed Felistas would communicate with other men while he was away and block or conceal the conversations when he returned. As the mistrust grew, ordinary disagreements became part of a wider conflict over who was speaking to whom and what was being shared online.
He also described an incident involving boiling water which he said left him frightened and suspicious.
“One night, I woke up and found her boiling water while naked. When I asked her what she intended to do with it, she claimed she wanted to drink it. I became frightened and suspicious because the explanation did not make sense to me,” he said.
The relationship eventually broke down and Changarara returned to Zimbabwe. He further claimed that, after the separation, Felistas damaged property at his home and burnt some household items. She denied those accusations.
Felistas gave a different account of the collapse. She said Changarara had abandoned her and was not properly caring for the children. She told the court that she moved to Harare so she could provide for them herself.
“He abandoned me and is not taking proper care of the children. I relocated to Harare so that I could provide for them myself,” she said.
She also denied having affairs and rejected Changarara’s claim that the videos on her phone were intended for lovers. She said they were personal recordings and maintained that she had not stolen the lobola money.
“I was never promiscuous. He is the one who was unfaithful. The videos he saw were my personal videos and were not meant for any other men or social media. I also did not steal the money from the piggy bank as he alleges,” said Felistas.
Felistas said her main concern was the welfare of the children. She urged Changarara to meet his responsibilities as a parent rather than continue the dispute over the failed relationship.
Chief Mutasa told the former couple that their marriage had ended but their responsibilities as parents had not. He urged them to avoid conduct that could create further conflict and to settle their outstanding issues amicably.
“Although you are now divorced, you still need to find a way to coexist peacefully, especially for the sake of the children. Avoid conduct that creates further conflict and focus on resolving outstanding issues amicably,” said Chief Mutasa.
The case has brought the old Zimbabwean word mjolo into a new digital setting. Romantic affairs have always existed, but social media has made it easier for people to meet strangers, maintain several conversations and send images or voice notes without leaving home. TikTok can turn a private interaction into a public performance, while Facebook and messaging services allow conversations to continue away from a partner’s view.
That same access has also made suspicion easier. A new follower, an unexplained photograph, a deleted message or a name saved under a nickname can become evidence in a domestic argument. The result is often a cycle in which one partner searches for proof, the other hides more of their online activity, and both sides become less willing to trust each other.
Research involving couples in northern Ghana found that frequent social-media use was linked to partner monitoring, jealousy and mistrust. Many couples used social networks to meet people and reconnect with old friends, but the constant access also created new pressure inside relationships. The study found that some partners checked social media repeatedly and used it to monitor the other person’s activity.
A separate two-year study of 322 young adults found that jealousy triggered by a partner’s online activity was associated with increased electronic surveillance and lower relationship satisfaction a year later. The findings covered social-media use across platforms including TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat. They showed that the jealousy created by online content could become more damaging than the act of checking a partner’s posts, likes or friends.
Those findings help explain why a phone can become the centre of a relationship dispute. Digital platforms do not merely provide another place for people to meet. They preserve photographs, record conversations and keep reminders of contacts that may be invisible in everyday life. A partner working in another country can feel close through a video call, yet remain shut out of the conversations taking place on the same device.
For Changarara and Felistas, the argument over TikTok was tied to much more than an application on a phone. It included money meant to formalise their union, the care of children, long periods of separation, accusations of infidelity and claims of neglect. By the time the matter reached Chief Mutasa’s court, the relationship had already ended.
The chief’s message was that the former couple must now find a way to put the mjolo dispute behind them. Their online disagreements may have helped destroy the relationship, but the children remain connected to both sides. Co-parenting, rather than another round of accusations over phones and social-media contacts, is the responsibility left after the marriage has fallen apart.